i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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