and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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