Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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