I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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