When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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