P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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