I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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