It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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