I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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