i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize