There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize