worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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