she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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