HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Holy sore nipples Batman
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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