shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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