the condom got lost in my hair
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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