Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
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When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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