The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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