so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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