Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize