dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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