sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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