Will you blow on my dice?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
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How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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