Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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