Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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