Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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