So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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