So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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