Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize