dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
