I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize