Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh god the rape fog is back!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize