No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize