It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
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life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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