He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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