covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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