How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
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this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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