Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
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Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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