It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
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Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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