He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
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Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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