I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's get the cat blown out
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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