I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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