I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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