I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize