Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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