the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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