walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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