I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Drunk is a universal language darling
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize