Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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