Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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